Been reading them for a small time. Only changes i would add so far:
Page 2 : "The Activation Roll is an attempt to break away from the taking turns mentality of the more popular rules sets available for this 'period'. In those rules one player can move, fire and attack with every single unit before his opponent can do anything, regardless of the skills, readiness or order of his units. "
I would change it this way: "The activation roll is an attempt to circumvent the problems inherent of the "IgoUgo" mechanics used in most popular rule sets for this "period". In those rules one player can move, fire and attack with every single unit before his opponent can do anything, regardless of the skills, readiness or order of his units, which calls for reduced realism and too much dependance on initiative to attain victory ("My turn. I shoot you with all my army, killing half of yours. Your turn. Now you can return fire with your remaining half army...")". All in all, FOW system does have turns, too.
In page 3 "The troopsâ€™ skill with close combat weapons. " should be changed to "The troopsâ€™ skill in close combat", as the former assumes they won't go barehanded into a melee. Also, i don't like the AV description (although it is clear enough!)
In same page: "Campaign losses has meant " maybe should be changed to "Campaign losses have meant", but i'm not precisely an expert on the english language
More to follow!